In a week where Brazilian bum lifts have been highlighted as a dangerous form of cosmetic surgery so mine is on hold it’s a rare away foray into deep East Yorkshire. The match report may be delayed as it’s a weekend away with family setting up a quick pop across from just outside Beverley for the match but then a late return to Teesside and the review of a various scribbling. This delay allows the review of the Hull match report, not wanting to stereotype anyone but its straight talking and there’s no excess detail but it’s very useful as I can correct who scored the tries on my notes in advance. So here’s a full fat or “portly” account from a work from home public sector employee who does use cut and paste, possibly not enough.
It’s a damp day in East Yorkshire as I arrive to a buzzing Brantingham park, a full club house with a sprinkling of the Billingham faithful relaxing as the players go through the warm up. Both 1st and 2nd team action this weekend with a packed bus, only space was to sit on someone’s knee. After a recap with media guru Browne I opt for the raised benches opposite side to the club house to once again enjoy the various comments as supporters pass following the game alongside the pitch. Last season this was a bit of a potential relegation tussle but this season see’s I’s well mid-table, on good authority could be higher as a few games have slipped away.
Both teams look to build on good form and grab as many points as they can, lots of warm up comments about minimum standard and lets build it abound. It’s a damp heavy afternoon but at least it’s not blowing a gale like last night and the going would be classed as good to heavy on the AGP, a grass pitch. 2nds are out early and are started as the 1st take to the pitch to line up for a minutes silence to remember a club and Yorkshire stalwart, Maureen Fulton an organising legend and true club supporter.
Looking over to the club house it’s the Green and Whites to kick off left to right, it’s the quarter strips of Hull to receive and the officials in pink, the stand looks sparse but the patio in front of the club house fills up. A lively group congregate on the far side whose observations and comments pepper this match report, the one’s I could mention anyway. A sprinkle of rain appears as Billingham kick off, Louis Groak with a hand to the ball and Dan Burns scoops it up as the Green and white start on the front foot. Both teams get a little bit of a feel for the conditions until the ball is lost or knocked on but Billingham move up the pitch with the forwards making breaks and the home team being pinged for a couple of high tackles. The young gun Lauchlan Hill making headway with a strong drive with further gains by Dan Dixon and Adam Brown as Billingham recycle the ball. I’s look to have halted progress but get pinged again at the breakdown as the penalties mount up. It’s a kick to touch and Hill up Burns style to collect as the forwards come round the corner, with a measured pass from Elliott Husband, boom boom Brown sidesteps the defence to go in. Peter Evans strokes the conversion over and the visitors open the scoring 0 – 7.
I’s kick off long and Billingham counter going over the gain line plus the man in the middles arm is aloft. Free ball fizzles out as Billingham again advance up the pitch with a kick to touch. Line out is collected and an inside ball sets Nathan Myers into space. Billingham retain at the breakdown as Dan Dixon makes for the line but opts to offload to Dan Burns who looks very surprised to bag the try. Peter pops the conversion over for 0 - 14 as many on my side of the pitch start to watch the 2nd team game. I’s are also down a man as a yellow is shown just after the try goes in.
I’s send a bouncer into the Billingham half to restart Burns collects then Billingham knock on soon after. Scrum is reset and its steady the second time but the arm is up again this time in I’s favor so despite the strip and kick up field by Brown it comes back. I’s kick for touch and set up for the drive it breaks down so they look blind side and are bundled into touch. It’s very much a contest up front but when I’s move the ball quick the wheels out wide look dangerous. I’s have a couple of attempts then lose the ball as it goes along the line, Peter gets a good exit kick up the pitch, then a clatter from a I’s forward. Not late is the call from the watching supporters as officials confirm a needless collision so it’s a penalty but just a word. I think at this point I was asked if the ref had come on the Billingham bus. It puts Billingham in a good field position as they continue to press on, it’s a nudge and chase with I’s take over the line and ground for a scrum 10. Billingham control and it’s a numbers game out wide as a kick pass is collected by Joe Scarborough to finish. Conversion is added for Billingham to move to 0 – 21.
It’s a short kick off as I’s look to retrieve but Nathan is alert to gather and the ball is sent up the pitch after a few phases. I’s collect and as it comes out of the next breakdown Dan Dixon is through after the ball, given the bar set by the man in the middle it is high but the player is falling so it’s a yellow as the locals voice cop out. Slowly I’s force a bit of pressure, it’s not immediate but they are now not allowing much gain up the middle and they are moving the ball around a bit more to the wheels out wide. Despite Billingham working hard to contain I’s use the full width of the pitch and phase to sneak a forward in the corner, as a prop pops up on the wing to get the home team on the board. Unconverted out wide it gives home to those around me at 5 – 21.
Billingham send a high one and look to challenge but I’s collect as Billingham look to contain them deep and force a mistake. Billingham do get the advantage with Scabs, Groaky and Joe Pickering looking for the elusive gap. I’s keep it tight not allowing a clean break and ride out the Billingham pressure, they then look to move up the pitch, A box kick is knocked on then the following scrum I’s get a push on and the arms goes up plus the ball is kicked away to add 10. It’s an indication that uncle Mo is starting to turn, I’s go wide and the arm is up again. I’s kick for touch then attempt the catch and drive, Billingham player down but play moves away via the forwards so as Scotty attends I’s get the ball along the line. As Dan Burns continues to receive attention I’s convert to finish the first half in a positive way at 12 -21 which has nice balance about it. Billingham look to restructure and reset to that early momentum.
Lots to talk about at halftime as the locals are a little bit more cheery, opinions range from what various clubs pay, National 1 players going to clubs in lower leagues and the 6 nation’s matches. Also the interpretation of law 18.2 as I’s had an attempt to keep the ball in play, another decision that the officials and locals saw differently. As one always to set away a good discussion I have done some review work, law 18.2 concerns when the ball is not in touch and states if a player who is in touch kicks or knocks the ball but does not hold it the ball is not in touch provided it has not reached the plane of touch. In the game example the I’s player was off the pitch and did knock the ball whilst off his feet but unfortunately the ball had crossed the plane as he did this beyond the line so it was in touch. I expect that I will get letters as I know at least one of you takes a couple of hours out to read this.
It’s the second half folks and its Ionians left to right restarting the game, Billingham collect and Brown sets away with the forwards going round the corner. Burns does not return to the field so it’s an early reshuffle from the bench but Billingham have to get into this quick. Billingham kick to I’s who collect with time, it goes through a couple of hands and a nudge through finds a good touch for a 50:20. I’s take at the front, the forwards go round the corner to move across the pitch and with a spin its grounded, Converted its massive early tonic for the home team 19 -21.
I’s collect the kick off and send it straight back, they look to soak up the phases not allowing gains and looking to drive back, this in turn limits the Billingham options. Its hard graft from the Billingham team as they do retain the ball at the breakdown but its all midfield or sideways to be honest which I’s are very happy with. As Billingham look for a different option it’s a wanger out wide that bounces up high from the pitch and over Martin Hopley, the I’s winger gambles and collects to run in. Converted the home to go ahead for the first time 26 -21.
Billingham kick off and I’s knock on allowing some respite and good field position for the visitors. It’s a strong scrum from Billingham to set the backs into play with Luke Wilson committing players as Billingham knock on. From the scrum Billingham get a penalty so kick into the corner, its Hill with the collection and Luke Wilson in the centre going close as Billingham look for options its over to Dan Dixon to collect and gain his 100 club try. Peter is tight with the kick as Billingham temporarily steady the ship at 26 – 26.
Despite the feeling on the sidelines that the lead would swap hands for the rest of the match it was Hull Ionians who finished the stronger. With the scrum creating a strong platform it allowed the backs to run the options finding their cutting edge out wide and the runners collected the ball at pace which is always hard to defend. They switched the ball across for the first try to go 33 -26 very quickly. Billingham worked hard to stay in touch and several times stretched the I’s defence through a Martin Hopley burst, the finishers also came off the bench to provide a boost. A big shift was I’s took a line out and proceeded to drive it up the pitch, it didn’t look as though it was going to stop but was brought to a halt. In on the side perhaps in form behind may be a more apt description and Brown was flashed a yellow. I’s then proceeded to turn the screw and when they drew the Billingham defence in it was the out along the line to find the overlap and the speed. It looks very easy and flowing when it comes off but the hard work was done up the middle to draw players in. Converted the home side move to 40 -26.
Its kitchen sink time as Billingham look to grab a consolation try, I’s hold as Jamie Lane looks to set the runners in with Ewan Lydiatt and Liam Armstrong eager to carry. It ends with no further score as Billingham look frustrated and Hull bag the win.
A really good game with some lively local insight, Billingham started well and it really slipped away, the tries either side of half time started the momentum shift which is what the Green and White have been doing to others in previous weeks. Got to keep working and look to evolve during a game, got a load of talent across the teams so we don’t stand, got a very handy bonus point rather than nowt. Good to stay at the club for the England game and see the man of the match, I’s player poured it down his front but boom boom Broun didn’t spill a drop, can’t ruin a good dress.(that’s another story)
No time in this report for cut and paste is acceptable, big screen but you can’t even see it, do the mime with the rope, oh I don’t take it personally, don’t take the cheese away, Daley on Daly, flipping heck are you here again, how did they win that?, beret and sticker overload.

“Remember how far you have come not just how far you have to go.
You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.” – Rick Warren.
An innocent bystander.